The Bleeding Edge of Reality

…well, like this chick! Let me begin by saying that I have NOTHING against asian chicks, or asian people, or the asian culture. In fact, I find asian chicks most attractive and I really dig asian culture. So, say what you will about me, I’m just an observer.

That said, I have found myself in two very harrowing near-miss automobile incidents in the span of two weeks which:

- were not my fault
- happened for no good reason
- were both fully the fault of young, cell-phone yacking, SUV-driving asian chicks who seem to be completely oblivious to what’s going around them!

Is this coincidence? I think not. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing, perhaps it was just my “luck”, as it were. There are plenty of other lousy drivers out there who aren’t asian chicks, and I’m sure there are at least some asian chicks who drive with surgical precision and common sense oozing from every nook and cranny of their vehicle. These two occasions, however, were the fault of the afore mentioned asian chicks.

Since the above incidents took place, I’ve begun to notice the driver of vehicles that are doing the following:

- Travelling on a 4 lane road in the left lane at the same or slower speed than traffic in the right lane, even though the traffic ahead of them has long since moved beyond the visible horizon. SPEED UP OR GET IN THE RIGHT LANE DAMNIT!!
- Attempting to merge onto a highway at the speed of smell, confusing the vehicles already on the highway, as well as making drivers of the infinite line of vehicles they’re holding up frustrated beyond any measurable level. MERGE ALREADY! DEPRESS THE ACCELERATOR AND MEET THE SPEED OF THE TRAFFIC YOU’RE ABOUT TO MERGE WITH!
- Adjusting speeds randomly so nobody behind them can make an educated determination as to what the next move will be, so I can get the fuck out of their way before they kill someone with their 3 ton gasguzzler. IF YOU’RE GOING 10MPH BELOW THE POSTED SPEED LIMIT, AND YOU NOTICE SOMEONE TRYING TO GET AROUND YOU, DON’T SPEED UP TO PREVENT IT YOU GODDAMNED GOOBER, PULL THAT PIECE OF SHIT OVER AND LET ME PASS!

I’m sure much of this is the fault of the Oregon DMV and their apparent lack of attention to teaching “respect on the road”. As a matter of fact, I’m quite certain that, if more attention were paid to teaching folks respect with regard to driving, road rage incidents would fall dramatically.