The Assholeville Whorer
I decided that, after some seriously depressing family issues over the weekend that what we all needed was a good dose of dinner and a movie. We’d decided to go to our favorite mongolian grill (I didn’t say it was a SPECIAL dinner…christ, it’s not Ruth’s Chris…) and then take in a movie.
We got to the theater and all was well. There are so many good movies out (well, high draw movies anyhow) that the Amityville Horror was relatively empty. Bonus!! Anyhow, it’s the movie we wanted to see, and I’d read the book and seen the first movie, both ages ago, and thought with the new capabilities in the motion picture industry that this would be a great remake! I recall reading the book and being pretty freaked out (ok, I was in 8th grade, but whatever… 
).
Once inside the empty theater, about 10 mins before the movie begins, folks start filing in and taking some seats. The first gaggle of giggling idiot bimbos and one super-fem dude decided to sit right behind us…RIGHT behind us. I guess they were on a mission to impress their flaming friend, because not only did they NOT stop yacking (I SWEAR I’ve never heard conversation go on that long…TAKE A F’ING BREATH YOU CACKLING HENS AND GIVE US A REST ALREADY!!), but they’d “outdo” each other with their absolutely HIDEOUS laughter. I thought it’d never end. Then, two gals and a dude, must have been in the 17-21 crowd, show up and sit just to the right and rear of where we were. Similar situation, but you could hear these idiots coming before they even got in the door. I’m sure the mentality is that of the high school dufus who thinks it’s “cool” to talk loudly, and just figures everyone wants to hear what he has to say. The two simpletons with him did the same laughter thing, except this went about 20 minutes into the movie. He’d make some stupidass comment outloud so we all could hear, and the two sluts would seemingly compete to see who could laugh the loudest along with him. Absolutely atrocious. After my wife leaned over and said “can we move? I can’t even focus on the movie!”, I stood up, leaned over to them and said “excuse me, would you mind just shutting up entirely, or whisper into each others ears? Your discussion is entirely distracting.”. They looked shocked and amazed, but they did shut up. Very cool outcome.
The most disturbing part of the audience was the 20-something couple that brought their FIVE YEAR OLD SON TO THE SHOW. A 5 year old who asked questions throughout the movie. Now, his little voice wasn’t so distracting, but the thought of these inconsiderate assholes bringing a kid to a movie with incredibly disturbing images of shotgun deaths, graphic torture, demons, horriffic screams and sounds, etc, brought my blood to a boil. I couldn’t bring myself to go confront them because I was so angry that I would have blown the initial contact and just likely bitched outright. I only hope the kid isn’t scarred from the experience, and if so, I hope these idiots lose sleep and spend countless $$$ on counseling for their kid. How lame.
“What about the movie?!” you ask. Well, this is a well-known story, so I won’t repeat it here. I’ll outline my pros/cons though, for those who’ve seen/read previous renditions:
- This rendition left out even more than the first movie.
- This rendition took more liberties with the plot and changed it so much that you won’t recognize much of what’s going on from either the book or the first movie
- The graphics were fantastic
- The acting was mediocre
- The chick who played the mom was incredibly hot!
- The movie was barely 90 minutes. This isn’t a bad thing necessarily, but they certainly had 1/2 an hour to play with and make the content at least similar to the book.
Anyhow, great horror story, some moments, but nothing that’d take your breath away. Go enjoy the show!!
