The Bleeding Edge of Reality

So, Bush was going to show Europeans a “kinder, gentler face to the world” in his second term. What better way to get that ball rolling than putting Paul “The Architect” Wolfowitz in as HEAD OF WORLD BANK!! If there’s any possible way to show a softer side of world domination, it would be to put the primary architect of the Iraq war and subsequent occupation in as the head of World Bank. Imagine…Dubbya gets a puppet of his own! Well, not really. Wolfowitz will simply be another tool (yep, I said tool…) in the quest for control of the world cash. Does anyone believe Bush will keep his own policies separate from World Bank, or that there will be no influence there? I’m sure the third world countries which rely on World Bank for their very existance are “thrilled” with the Bush choice. The Muslims are certainly cheering at the gesture offered up by Bush to show that there’s no motive for world domination! Why, how could anyone misinterpret this “nomination” as anything but the best candiate for the job?

Blech. The world has got to be coming to an end sooner than later. This is getting out of hand, and all but the completely blind can see what’s happening here. Wolfowitz as head of World Bank is tantamount to suggesting an international memorial to Hitler’s compassion for the human race.

The rich keep getting richer, and the poor keep getting poorer…

…and the ladies are showing their bellybuttons.

Walking downtown Portland on my break today, the weather is unseasonably gorgeous for March, and there are an uncountable number of beautiful gals, business gals in shorter skirts, young chicks in VERY short skirts, etc… Showing off some leg, and just looking fine. I love it…but…

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SOME OF YOU?!?!!? Honestly, I don’t have a problem with overweight folks, “fat chicks”, etc, etc…hey, being a human being means you’re gonna be unique, and not everyone is “euro-hot”. HOWEVER, this doesn’t grant you a license to find the tightest “hot pink” spandex tighties and a fucking halter top, wedge yourself into them, and parade around in public as if there is no freakshow going on!! This is just obscene, and there should be a law to protect those who would otherwise have their eyes defiled and our psyches permanetly scarred with images of what would seem to defy the very laws of physics by which we all must abide. HUGE images. Disturbing images. Horrible images.

As someone who’s overweight, do yourself and the rest of the world a favor and find some clothes that fit. I get it, it’s hot out there. Wear some shorts that don’t climb up your ass and form a fucking perma-wedgie. Wear a shirt that doesn’t fit so tightly that it qualifies as a “dehydration suit” and show every stretch mark and roll. Wear clothes that fit for fux sake!!

Now where did I put that valium…

It’s been a busy month! I’m lookin’ at my blog like it’s a complete stranger! I updated it to 1.5, so I’m pretty stoked, but the themes have changed drastically and I’ve got do to a shitload of work to get it back to where I’d like it. This is a pretty cool new theme, but I need a column too, and I just haven’t had time to change it.

Anyhow, I didn’t want ya to think I fell off the face of the planet. Things should lighten up soon and it’ll be back to blogtime.

I went into Borders today just before lunch to grab an “extremely unrated” copy of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. The DVD came out on the 4th or 5th and they didn’t have any in stock! WTF?! It’s Borders! I asked if they’d just sold out and would be getting some in and she tells me they didn’t get ‘em in yet. Damnit! It was pissing out and colder than a witches tit. I should have called first I guess. Anyhow, I decided to look on the shelves for a copy while she was checking in the stock room to see if they’d arrived in today’s shipment, and I see Shaun of the Dead sitting there just waiting to be purchased. I really wanted to see this movie at the theater, but you know how it goes, I just never got around to it.

If you’re looking for a movie with some great laughs, some great effects, lots of gore, a clever and funny plot, English accents, and plenty of undead, I can say without a doubt that Shawn of the Dead definitely delivers the goods. One of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long time, and is an instant favorite!

It’s obviously a humorous spoof on George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, but not too “spoofy”. It really just takes the zombie elements, but the plot is fairly unique. I didn’t say deep and complex, just unique. I don’t really want to do any spoilers and layout the movie like this is a review. I’ll just say that there were some parts of the movie that literally had me in tears laughing so hard, and that I was thoroughly entertained from start to finish. No boring spots, the humor wasn’t campy (well, there’s a bit of campy, but it’s perfectly delivered), and since the entire movie takes place in England, there is that air of “dry English humor” in the delivery throughout that actually enhances, not detracts. The gore is very plentiful as well! Though the movie doesn’t feel high budget (It’s no Ed Wood flick either, just not “blockbuster” budget), the gore is blockbuster quality! It’s a constant throughout the movie, and really well done. I can’t wait to watch it again!

Also, the DVD extras are really well put together and equally as entertaining, especially the outtakes. Lots of good stuff to check out making the DVD purchase that much more a value.

All in all, Shaun of the Dead gets a 10 out of 10. Go enjoy this DVD as soon as humanly possible! If you’ve got a few extra bucks and haven’t seen this yet (hell, even if you have!) it’ll be money well spent, I guarantee it!

Get your own Anger Management Driving Beard! ™

Well, with the new year comes new hope…NOT! I’m on my way into work this morning, and whom do I see? PointyBeard in his grandma’s minivan shitmobile!!! The same guy!!! You can reference him below in the Minivan Madness thread below.

Why the hell couldn’t this wealth of driving idiocy have been in, say…Phuket, Thailand a week or so ago? Had I known about the tsunami, I’d have pulled him over, kicked him in his beard, and given him a one way ticket to eternity.

Alas, no such luck. He’s back behind the wheel, beard as pointy as ever, an anger management poster child white-knuckling his way through downtown Portland every weekday. I’ll have to get his license plate # and post it here, just for fun.

So, I see him, and HE SEES ME!! He actually remembered my kickass vehicle, and started in with his version of Road Warrior again this morning; tailgating, weaving in and out of traffic, stopping short…you know, all the sweet moves a 30-something dipshit with an identity crisis does while behind the wheel of a shitmobile…until the police vehicle rolled up along side him. AHAHAHAH!! VERY funny!! He did the “look tough, then look away” move with the cop!! I laughed and laughed, looking and pointing at him. I honked my horn so he’d look over. He saw me, saw me laughing AT him, and then looked away angrily and sped off. Did I just say “sped”? AHAHAHHA!!! Holy shit, I crack myself up.

Anyhow, beware the pointy beard in the grey 199x minishitvan. He’s usually on his way to pump gas on 4th ave around 7:15-7:25am. Funny shit. Pure entertainment!

In case you didn’t notice, above is a link to get your own Anger Management Driving Beard ™! Simply click on the link, print it out, cut on the dotted lines, and tape/glue/staple it to your face, call Grandma, borrow the minivan, and drive like a complete asshole!! It’s that easy! I know he’ll be appreciatin’ my cutout skills when he sees me the next time. I’m gonna whip out my cutout beard, put it on, and make faces at him while he wigs out. Should be a blast!

Happy New Year, JACKASS!! See YOU on the road!

Well, the new year is here. Whoopee. It’s 2005. I’m sick like mad, and will probably have to call into work tomorrow.

I’m driving home from picking up a copy of Napoleon Dynamite over the weekend, the highway is pretty jammed up, but the passing lane is moving along reasonably well. I noticed in the right lane there were 3 jeeps in a row, and thought to myself it was a bit odd.

Anyhow, I move into the passing lane, and the last jeep of the 3 decides to jump over to the passing lane in front of me. I’m thinking, what an asshole, but if he keeps up with traffic, all is forgiven. Of course, this didn’t happen. This knob decides to keep the lane open in front of him, letting his Turds-with-Wheels driving buddies in front of him, all the while blocking traffic to the point where it was slower in the passing lane than in the right lane! Jackass. I’m pretty sure I could hear the song “Convoy” blaring from all 3 of their crapmobiles. “…this here’s the rubber duck…put the hammer down…we got ourselves a convooooyyyy….”

So, I continue driving along, and the highway splits from 2 to 3 lanes. The middle lane is wide open, so I proceed to pass the string of Rollovers-in-a-box, when the moron leading his pack of dipshit buddies swerves into MY LANE, and then flips me off! Jesus Christ, what the fuck was THAT?! Do us all a favor, put down the CB mic there “Rubber Duck” and just drive, spend a little more time and money investing in a real vehicle, and a little less time trying to impress that meth-smokin’ goo-gobbling highschool bimbo in the passenger seat. Seriously, was that your sister, Jethro? Because you both had the same mustache and unibrow. She had to be.

So, I slow down to give this gutterlicker a piece of my mind at 65mph, and what’s he do? Ruffles the feathers on the back of his neck, puffs out his yellowbelly, and slows down. The entire line of 3 gimps-on-wheels is now going 42 f’ing mph to avoid coming along side me. Another simpleton who flipped off the wrong guy and realized it too late.

Listen, I don’t care that you can’t afford a real vehicle, or that my vehicle is worth more than all three of those junk heaps put together, or that you’re too scared to even face someone you just flipped off, but for fuck’s sake, quit with the stupid road games. You’re going to get yourself killed. Seriously. No joke. I’ll do it myself. Asshole.

Anyhow, Naopleon Dynamite is pretty funny for what it is. I recommend it with a good bowl of Northern Lights #5.

Ok. Yeah. Super Scrabble kicks ass?!? WTF?!?! Look, it only makes sense if you enjoy Scrabble in the first place. If you’re one of those grammatical giants who always interchange “lose” with “loose”, then this article isn’t for you and Scrabble kicking ass is about as likely as a raging case of herpes “kicking ass”.

Anyhow, if you like Scrabble and haven’t played Super Scrabble yet, you’ll love it. I mean, it’s not an Xbox, so there’s not a LOT here to say about it or to detail out for you. It’s just bigger, it has some triple and quad letter/word score squares, and the geometry is interesting, as you can now easily build a single word on multiple “word” score blocks. Makes for some damn high scores. It’s got 200 tiles now too, and comes with it’s own bag so you don’t have to use a Crown Royal bag for the tiles.

Very cool game. If you don’t like it, you’re probably retarded, undereducated, or just don’t have any friends.

Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Be safe and enjoy life to it’s fullest!

I’m enjoying my Season 1 of The Kids in the Hall on DVD! Kick ass Christmas gift!

As I sit here and listen to Damageplan, I can hardly believe I’m writing this. Truly a sad day for metal and it’s diehard fans.

Dimebag Darrell Abbott is dead. Shot in the head by some fucking PSYCHO at a nightclub in Columbus Ohio. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! On the anniversary of the John Lennon assassination?? A sad day for music, a sadder day for humanity.

The gunman has been shot dead by an officer, unfortunately. We ALL would have liked to see him do life. To suffer until his last breath. To pay day by day by fucking DAY for his crime against someone who had no chance to defend himself. Gunman Asshole, you got off easy you piece of shit!!!

R.I.P. Darrell. You were an inspiration and a metal icon to us all. We will always remember your contribution to the world of metal, never to forget the legions of loyal fans your style spawned.

Peace,
K

I’m quite sure I’ll have plenty to say in the near future about the rampant idiocy the most commercialized holiday brings upon us.

This post, however, isn’t about that. I’m really feeling pretty fortunate right now. I’ve got the greatest family (my wife and kid own) ever,a fantastic career with stability, a great employer, I’m relatively healthy, I own the coolest house (it’s got a cool fireplace too!), nice cars, sweet furniture, awesome guitar gear, 2 of the coolest dogs on the planet, and lots of other stuff too numerous to mention and list here (maybe if I get bored later I’ll edit…). Knock on wood, but I am very grateful every day I wake up. Grateful for all that I have. I’m not rich, but I am doing great, and I’m proud of it. I worked my ass off to get where I am, and to provide for my family. I’m very lucky to have had the opportunities I’ve been given, many of which I created. Very lucky to have all that I have.

So, as you look around this holiday season, it’s a fine time to be aware of what you do have and be thankful for it. It’s also a fine time to show some compassion, sympathy, respect, and concern for those who don’t have much to be thankful for. Men, women, children…families…facing hardships with no job to go to, wondering about their income and how they’ll take care of their children. How they’ll provide shelter and food for their families. Uncertain about tomorrow, or the next day…and no bright outlook for anytime soon.

Think about that, and act. Whether it’s giving your time, your $$$, or simply your compassion for those who have less, it will make the season as joyous and festive as possible. Give a gift for a good cause! There are a LOT of drop areas to give a gift that will wind up going to a less fortunate child somewhere in your community.

Peace and Happiness all year long.

I’m driving in to work this a.m. coming in on 4th ave. 3 lanes, all one way, fog thick as pea soup. First off, some asshole on a bike (go figure…) is casually pedalling down the MIDDLE LANE, holding up traffic one second, blowing through red lights the next…no respect for any vehicles or letting traffic by. Total asshole who’s karma will cause him to be a red smear some day. Fine with me.

So, on to the minivan, which is the real focal point. I’m in the far right lane behind a few vehicles, and some dork with a pointy beard driving his grandma’s 199x gray Whatthefuckever brand Gaymobile is in the middle lane following BikeTard. This went on for about 10 blocks. The two vehicles in front of me turned right into a parking garage, at which point I speed up as my lane has just opened up, and there’s my opportunity to get in front of BikeTard and PointyBeard. You can guess what happens next. Pointy decides he’s going to floor it, jump into MY lane, and to top it off, he turns his blinker on 3/4 of the way through the manouver, like somehow that would ease my need to hammer on my fucking brakes!! I think to myself “Hey, he was behind BikeTard…ok…I can understand the frustration” so I just let it go.

So now in the right lane it’s me behind PointyBeard, and BikeTard is in the center lane. The far left lane freed itself up, so I get over in that lane, the light we were all approaching turned green, and I got ahead of Pointy and BikeTard free and clear, and moved back to the far right lane to make my right turn at the next light.

Get this!! PointyBeard whips his grandma’s Shitmobile into the middle lane, pulls up next to me and shoots ME a look!! Well, for a brief fraction of a second, because when I looked over at HIM he quickly looked down, pretending he wasn’t trying to give me the “toughguy” look, and tucked his tail between his legs lest he get his ass kicked by someone much stronger and larger than he. I couldn’t believe it!! Pointy cuts ME off, yet somehow, he figures since I wound up back in front of his Grandma’s minivan that he had some beef with me! I laughed and laughed when I made my right turn, and he sped off to pump some gas before he was marked late again and fired from his gas-pumping “career”.

BikeTard and Pointy, you two dumbfucks deserve each other. Hopefully someday I’ll drive in to see PointyBeard has run BikeTard over, and in the process of getting out to flash BikeTard a “toughguy” look, Pointy gets smeared by some dumb bitch driving a Yukon, yacking on her cellphone or applying makeup.

Karma is a bitch you dipshits.

The sidewalks in downtown Portland are of relatively normal size, pretty much like any other metro area. Why then, is there a trend for people walking three abreast to not move the fuck out of the way for anyone who’s oncoming or behind them?! Just shift slightly to allow the other people to use the sidewalk without ducking into an alcove to avoid a head on collision, dumbass.

This has happened to me TWICE in two days, and numerous times over the past months. One or more will look up from their “important conversation” to see someone walking toward them, someone’s got to move. They see it, make eye contact, and decide not to move!! At this point, there’s nothing left to do but flatten yourself against a wall.

Well, I had fun today when a nicotine-addicted COW decided not to move over and ended up shoulder-blocking herself with MY shoulder!! She fell rightover on her ass. Same scenario; dumbasses walking/blabbering/smoking/yacking three abreast, she looks up, makes eye contact, looks back at her companions, continues to walk in a straight line consuming most of the rest of the available sidewalk and doesn’t move out of the way, BLAM!! Shoulder check and she hits the ground flat on her ass. I looked down at her, made eye contact for an extended period of time, looked away and continued to walk. She fucking walked RIGHT INTO ME!! Stupid cow. Nobody said a thing. Not her, not her companions, not the two guys walking behind me, nobody. Know why?! BECAUSE SHE CAUSED IT HERSELF.

So, if you’re one of these self-important idiots who thinks you can consume an entire metro sidewalk…just because you can…think again. Maybe we’ll “pass” on the sidewalk too.

Jerkoffs.

This has been out quite a while, but I came across it again today and laughed my ass off. One of the funniest “photo essays” ever! I’ve created two links below. One to the actual hosting site, and another to a local HTML archive I’ve created just to be safe. The archive file is 630K.

Click here to go to POE News for the article, or just click on Rumsfeld below for the local archive of it.

Stoked on the new HarmFamily music! We created some amazing chemistry last rehearsal and came up with 2 great songs, “Sight” and “Apocolypse”. Fucking fantastic stuff, so stay tuned for some show dates comin’ soon!

Click Here to head to the HarmFamily website!

Well, here I am at work, because the f’ing TAPE LIBRARY keeps “pausing” and f’ing up my backups. I’m supposed to be at home helping set up our Christmas tree and all that good holiday fun stuff. But no. “Drive paused”. DAMNIT technology sucks when it doesn’t work correctly. HP Tape Tools, you better come up with a clean diagnosis on this Ultrium tape drive/loader!!

Speaking of SUV-driving idiots, here’s an “ad” I found a few years ago. Sums it all up very nicely:

An exerpt from an article I read on philly.com. There is a link to Steven Freeman’s page and data below as well. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed on this one!

In Ohio yesterday, the presidential candidates of the Green and Libertarian Parties, who plan to seek a statewide recount, asked a federal judge to order the state to speed up its initial vote tabulation.

The suit’s goal is to provide enough time for the recount to be held before Ohio’s 20 Electoral College votes are cast Dec. 13. Ohio was the decisive state in the election.

And in Philadelphia, Steven Freeman, a faculty member at the University of Pennsylvania, was finishing up a second version of his much-discussed paper titled “The Unexplained Exit Poll Discrepancy.”

The first draft, widely circulated on the Internet, created a stir among Americans worried about the variance between President Bush’s 3.3 million popular-vote margin and exit-poll numbers that had him trailing.

In Ohio, the two presidential candidates, Libertarian Michael Badnarik and David Cobb of the Green Party, have raised the $113,600 the state requires before conducting a recount. The unofficial tally has Bush ahead of Democrat John Kerry in the state by 136,000 votes, more than 2 percent of the total votes cast.

No recount can occur, however, until a first, official count is complete. The Ohio Secretary of State’s Office, citing state law and practical considerations, has said a recount might not be able to start until Dec. 11, only two days before electors meet.

Click Here for Stephen Freeman’s “The Unexplained Exit Poll Discrepancy” paper and associated data

So, I often rant about the seemingly endless stream of incompetence and idiocy that is the Portland driving scene, but between 7-8 a.m. is when one can really see it in action. 6 lanes of traffic, and there is ALWAYS some dumbass in an SUV (Suddenly Upside-down Vehicle) in the left lane, dragging his/her feet, yacking on a cell phone, and HOLDING UP TRAFFIC!! These fools see someone coming up on their right, and instead of letting them in front so they can continue forward, these cellphone yacking idiots ALWAYS speed up JUST ENOUGH to make sure they can’t get into the left lane, all the while leaving 20+ car lengths in front of them. KEEP UP WITH TRAFFIC YOU ASSHOLE, and quit trying to control it. Leave your control freak complex at home and dish it out to your kids, your wife, your pets, but do us ALL a fucking favor and leave it at home!!

Then there are the other gimps. The ones that don’t seem to realize is that for every incompetent driver who leaves a space JUST BIG ENOUGH for a car to change lanes in that the following holds true:

there will always be some asshole who’ll try to cram his/her piece of junk INTO that space at 40 - 60 MPH
dumbass who left the space will invariably have to slam his/her brakes on (which is what one assumes they’re trying to avoid by leaving this ridiculous gap in the first place) as the first asshole performs his feat of idiocy
nobody behind them can see the madness, because YOU’RE DRIVING A FUCKING FARM IMPLEMENT BRANDED AS AN SUV and nobody can see around or through them, so everyone else has to slam their brakes on, causing unnecessary traffic snarls and minor accidents

I see it almost every day. It’s absolutely avoidable. All that needs to happen is SUV’S NEED TO BE OUTLAWED or there needs to be a special section in the DMV training manual that teaches people how to drive glorified combines and tractors on the roads. Everything from parking, to paying attention to those around you, to how to change lanes without wrecking every peripheral vehicle to you.

I hate morning traffic.

I just paid $225 for 100 gal. of heating oil, twice what it cost just last year. I bought a couple of hamburgers last night for myself and the fam…Wendy’s 1/4 lb. double stacks. I noticed there are no tomatos on them. Didn’t think much of it. I’m watching the news, and I see the cost of tomatos here is like $8/lb!! I was shopping the other day, noticed a can of baked beans cost $2!! BAKED F**KING BEANS!!@#

The cost of living has SKYROCKETED in the last year or so. Where is it going to end? Portland is considering a CELL PHONE TAX!! Meanwhile, Quest refuses to pay Portland millions of dollars and it’s “oh well…let’s try to impose another tax on the people”. We (well, not me…) just voted against the repeal of the MultCo ITax, and now they need more money from cell phones for, you guessed it, jail cells, elderly services, etc…the same crap they needed the ITax money for. An endless money pit. The strawman of the budgeting woes and inadequate check and balance system for spending state wide. Jail cells. Whatever. Get a handle on your spending Portland. Get a hold of your budget Multnomah county. Leave the citizens out of it.

I make a decent living. I’m not rich by any means, but I am fortunate to have a prestigious job with a great employer, great salary, and a great future. Occasionally it’s a bit harder to make ends meet. I can only imagine how hard it is for those not in upper-middle class to do the same things. How can they afford to buy a house instead of rent? I don’t know, it took years to get here, and I still can’t believe I own a house. The class gap is widening. The cost of a decent standard of living is VERY high, and becoming something that’s almost unattainable without being in the rich elite. Something needs to be done. What, I don’t know. Any suggestions?

Be very very quiet, I’m hunting rabbits!!

Well, not really, I’m just testing some wacky filters for posts and comments. If it works, this is the “fudd” filter. Some others are available, some more PC than others. Anyhow, hopefully some will find it entertaining.